Gumbo

The Wunion - Wurms Finest News Source

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Open letter to the Editor in Chief:


 


I am at your mercy,  with all your investigative powers, to bring light to a rather dusty fog situation.  I reside in the SW part of Xanadu in a large bay area.  frequently we are fogged out.  reports of livestock burried amid ash, chronic respiratory failures, noise pollution, and deforestation.  many have tried to uncover the root of the problem yet are simple stumped in their search.  I hear tell of wispers in pubs and hushed tones through window shudders as i pass by dwellings....words that seem to resurface are..Elwood, and east of VotD.  is it a kind of tree?  I hear often it causes their lights to go out and some wispers have dared make mention of doomsday prepping and the source will cause world crashes.   I don't know what this all means, and plead to you to send your high powered journalistic team with their acumen for finding out the truth to illuminate the source that keeps us in the dark.


 


wurmian undercover(of ash)


Edited by Greasygrundle
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So its a strict hierarchy or autocratic ideology based newspaper?


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The Amsterdam Jam Scam

This is a Public Service Announcement being brought to you by the good, honest people of Xanadu.

The Amsterdam Jam Scam (AJS) got its name many Wurm years ago, when a small group of elderly women decided to take up preserve making as a hobby. They signed on for evening classes at a local jam shop in the village of New Amsterdam. At first, after every class they would bring home a few jars of their fancy jams, to share with family and friends. After a while they were making so much jam they couldn't possibly carry all the jars home. So the shop owner offered to store their product in the basement until needed. For months the ladies honed their craft making more and more delicious jams. Then one day when the ladies arrived for their weekly gathering, they found the jam shop windows boarded up. A sign out front read "Under New Management". The women knocked on the door and were greeted by a stranger who claimed to be the new owner of the building. They asked about their jams stored in the basement, and the ladies were informed they would only get their jams back if they paid silvers for them. Thus was born, the AJS.

It appears a couple of hoodlums have once again revived this old con on Xanadu, at the now defunct Valley of the Damned market. Dozens of innocent victims have come forward telling the same tale of expensive goods stored on the deed, only to have it fall on deaf ears. The Spirit Templars claim there is nothing they can do about it as the goods are legally on the property of the new village owner. For the love of Fo... we urge people to keep an eye out for this sort of thing and avoid doing business with shady, untrustworthy characters.

 

 

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i wanted to make a joke about being  jelly in here to preserve the spread of a sticky situation.  good think we have "mamma-lade" now.


Edited by Greasygrundle
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Possessed !


Today I bring news unlike anything ever heard of before. It happened on the Port Onody farm in the early hours just as the sun was rising. Everything seemed normal around town... everything except for a quiet, shy farm girl trader named Oata. She was one of those who attended sermons daily, always had a kind word for the local priests, and even baked bread for the young children at the orphanage. Yesterday, some construction workers remodeled Oata's home, giving her more space to take care of her charitable contributions. No big deal, but a few old animal bones were dug up in the process. Being a farm and all, buried animal carcasses are quite common. So everyone thought. While attending her chores as the sun began to rise, so did Oata. She slowly went up and up, higher and higher, until her head nearly touched the roof of her new home. Oata cried out for help, but her voice had changed, as though she had been possessed by evil spirits. The farm hands ran to the church in fear and began to pray for Oata's soul. Word spread across the land like a wild fire, word of the haunted, floating woman.

Most had given up hope for the poor cursed Oata, when a stranger arrived in town. A woman painted yellow, with the name Pomona. Some say Pomona is a witch-doctor, others say a spirit from beyond the grave. No-one really knows who she is, or where she comes from, no one dare ask. Pomona looked the situation over for a moment and noticed a bulk storage bin had been slightly moved a couple of feet over from it's traditional resting place. On examination of the ground, it seems a smallish hole had been uncovered by the BSB being moved. From this hole, a faint persistent wind was mysteriously blowing. Pomona concluded that the strange wind had been puffing up Oata's pantaloons as she stood over it doing work, causing her to rise. The wind was known to Pomona and she called it "Helium". Pomona pushed the BSB back over the hole in the ground, armed herself with a bow and  arrow, then carefully took aim. With one shot Pomona grazed the pantaloons worn by Oata, releasing the helium trapped inside them. Slowly she descended back to the ground, unharmed.


1zexhmg.jpg

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I think her dislexic sister lived at my deed.   she seemed afraid of heights.  Each time i sent her into the mercantile storage warehouse upstairs to count and do inventory of kindgom goods, she was found back downstairs again.   humpty dumpty,  great fall, couldn't put back together again type whispers i would hear around village.  I too saw a vision or enigma appear and seemingly possess her soul and guide her about.  she must have been possessed for it wasn't long before she was back to her old mischief.  fearing for my life, I had fled the village and put it up for sale not before i ordered all to leave and never return.


 


reading this article brought back haunting memories.


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=Ayes Independent Investigative Reports=


 


As the primary independent news reporting agency within Wurm, we (I) further investigate all published news reports of happenings within these Wurm confines, thus uncovering the true intents craftily hidden beneath these veils of subterfuge.


 


Concerning this story of the fabulously wealthy charitable money disburser Trader Oata, she has merely risen to the height pictured due to the inflation of Wurm item prices that she herself has created. Fearing that in this condition she would be out of reach from her current captor and punished severely for withholding what they had deemed their due, she tapped out her message secretly and discretely upon the wooden roof shingles, which serve as a communication network for her overlord silver laundering suppliers.


 


This one called Pomona was then made aware that this possible exposure of channeled silver funding networks due to further inflated risings of other Trader affiliates, might collapse this whole expectatious disbursement and laundering system. With many Wurmanites standing with their hands raised skyward to these various Trader operatives it could lead to curious passersby further questioning what was really going on here and that would never do.


 


With the inside knowledge required to realize the dramatic effects of these floating Trader operatives current levitated condition upon the non-economy of Wurm, Pomona quickly rushed to this out of control silver floater and loaded it with silver wealth inconceivable, to finally bring it back down to the imaginary solid ground of Wurm price stability. Then Pomona slowly adjusted the drain into the Wurmhole under then bin and the infinity of silver laundering systemics were once again in place for the non-foreseeable future.


 


Now you may think that I am "out there" but so is the truth. Just check the Files marked X.


 


Safe Travels


=Ayes=


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Early morning post.

   I was awoke by a spirit Templar in the wee hours this morning. It seems that a certain dark figure with a looming hand in a direction I wont say here, has been seen looking into windows yet again. This over weight under paid creature was last seen in the window of a local Weaponsmith's shop. The Templar was dropping off a package and blade to be improved upon, when this blob came into sight, sitting near some rather odd looking flower beds. The Templar immediately reached for his sword but, at the first sound of a drawn blade the blob jiggled off into the night. Later to be revealed was that in fact the flowers were dead from the odor this creature gave off, leaving only dead sticks and dried petals. When talking to the locals that were obviously distracted and boarding up their windows, one man said that he would need to wear ear plugs from now on. When asked why he said that the blob would speak into his ear at night propagating his reason and infiltrate his dreams. Another woman that was close by had taken to building a tower hoping to put as much distance as possible between her and this Blob. She mention something about a long proboscis shaped extrusion, many had sighted coming from the mouth area of this blob. I was seriously starting to think this was all imagined, not in existence to reality. I will be studying this case closely and give any further development, first hand accounts and eye witness stories as possible. Later that day I drew a picture of what this thing may look like form the descriptions given in the statements. This has been another addition of Who done it and where.


####################################
###########^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^##########
######^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^######
####^^______^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^______^^^^###
#####|((  o  ))|          |                      |        |((  o  )) |^^^###
###^^---------^^^^^^ |                    |^^^^^-----------^^^###
###^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ \                 /^^^^^^^^^^^^^^####
#####^^^^^^^^^^^^^  |             |^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^####
######^^^^^^^^^^^^ |             |^^^^^^^^^^^^######
########^^^^^^^^^ |             |^^^^^^^^^########
##########^^^^(o  |             |  o)^^^^#########
##########^^^^^\                   /^^^^^#########
############^^   \              /^^^###########
############{        \         /        }##########
############(          \     /          )##########
############(/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\)##########
############_______________#########

 

Edited by zalifear

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The Inner Net

As most of you know, not only am I a devilishly handsome news reporter, *one silver tooth flashes quickly while smiling* ... but from time to time I also like to spend many a moon crafting and inventing new things to bring to the Wurm world. Recently after a days long stint locked away undisturbed, I finally came up with my latest gadget. It's called,   "The Inner Net". This new device can be used to communicate text messages with other Wurmians who also have an Inner Net sending/receiving room. We've hooked together two such rooms in Port Onody, one at the main deed and one at the farm deed. So far we've been using it to discuss what type of crop to plant or when it's time to harvest, but mostly about what sexy outfit Chiqa is wearing that day. Gone are the days of smoke signals from a campfire and there are some who claim the Inner Net will one day replace every single spirit castle/cottage/house on the planet.

To create your very own Inner Net station all you need is a locked building (for security), a few net traps, and a long string of metal wire to connect to any other Inner Net station you desire communication with. We've put our Trader to better use by setting up in the building she's housed and hiring her to be our secretary. Each area of the net trap is assigned a letter/number. By simply plucking different areas of the net trap, a specific vibration is created and sent along the metal wire to it's destination. The person on the receiving end sees the corresponding area of the net trap vibrate, then jots down the character it represents. In no time at all you'll have your message. I hope to see more and more Inner Net stations popping up across the Wurm world and bringing us all into a new modern age.


2vvp5q0.jpg

Edited by Gumbo
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It is 10:10:58 on day of the Wurm in week 4 of the starfall of Silence in the year of 1046.


 


What the hell is this "internet" you speak of ?


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Oh sorry, I come from the future.


I think I may have travelled back a bit too far!


 


*Desperately searches for some plutonium*


Edited by Firestarter

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Bridge Work

For two solid months I've been climbing over the tallest mountains, swimming across huge oceans, and trekking through thick forests... all in a quest to locate the infamous Kyklops. In the beginning, the expedition hired famed tracker Berris to get us set off in the proper direction. The hunt was going very well, we were finding fresh Kyclops footprints daily. Then tragedy occurred. One evening Berris was grooming too many horses at once, fell ill to disease and had to be rushed home and isolated immediately. Despite the groups dismay, we were not going to allow that to end our journey. The remaining members carried on using the mediocre tracking skills we each had. 

 

After a few days, luck was on our side. A giant turd as big as a felled tree was found, and it was still warm (so the others told me). We knew we were back on the right path, and close. The pace was picked up with anticipation of finally conquering this mystical beast. More and more days had passed, then we came across a cobbled path that seemed to stretch on forever. We followed it knowing the Kyklops must have taken this route as well. Lights began to shine ahead on the horizon as if some sort of civilized world was there. But, how could this be? Our adventure has lead us to none other than Freedom Market. Upon our arrival to the market, we were surprised to see Dr. Tich outside and hard at work with her rare chisel and hammer on a some rather large teeth. When questioned, Tich mentioned they were a dental bridge that was dropped off by the Kyklops for a cleaning and a bit of repair. Then added, if we wanted to meet the Kyklops, he was scheduled to pick up the dental bridge the next day.

 

154vihw.jpg

Edited by Gumbo
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Scandal at Fight Club !

Just a few hours after the last patrons left Fight Club, the symptoms began to arise. It's been the same complaint from each and every one of them who ate meals at the "Mutton n Mead". The vomit, the clenching, and not to mention the constant excruciating pain in the, you know, that spot. It's been a rough go, and one should probably not discuss it at any great length. A little later that evening, a clever tower guard finally clued in after receiving many, many calls for help. A squad of men were then sent to investigate the situation. It was determined that all had attended the opening day festivities at Fight Club. When asked if they had eaten anything funky there, every one of them mentioned the now notorious eatery. Upon checking out the "Mutton n Mead", investigators discovered the cause of the recent illness in the cellar. Rarely seen in these parts, mostly because of their toxicity, ingesting large amounts is known to be fatal. The dreaded, Young diseased cute fluffy chick.


2yy73n6.jpg



Dozens of the chicks were found in the cellar. Seems a passing trader "unloaded" the deadly flock to an unsuspecting chef, for an irresistibly low fee. The cook, who will remain anonymous, only wanted to serve something exotic to the hungry crowds and had no idea of the chicks poisonousness. No charges will be laid. Clean up of the now toxic area is expected to last a couple of months.

 

 

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Scandal at Fight Club !

Just a few hours after the last patrons left Fight Club, the symptoms began to arise. It's been the same complaint from each and every one of them who ate meals at the "Mutton n Mead". The vomit, the clenching, and not to mention the constant excruciating pain in the, you know, that spot. It's been a rough go, and one should probably not discuss it at any great length. A little later that evening, a clever tower guard finally clued in after receiving many, many calls for help. A squad of men were then sent to investigate the situation. It was determined that all had attended the opening day festivities at Fight Club. When asked if they had eaten anything funky there, every one of them mentioned the now notorious eatery. Upon checking out the "Mutton n Mead", investigators discovered the cause of the recent illness in the cellar. Rarely seen in these parts, mostly because of their toxicity, ingesting large amounts is known to be fatal. The dreaded, Young diseased cute fluffy chick.

2yy73n6.jpg

Dozens of the chicks were found in the cellar. Seems a passing trader "unloaded" the deadly flock to an unsuspecting chef, for an irresistibly low fee. The cook, who will remain anonymous, only wanted to serve something exotic to the hungry crowds and had no idea of the chicks poisonousness. No charges will be laid. Clean up of the now toxic area is expected to last a couple of months.

These chicks are sick.

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With a name like 'Mutton and Mead' I was expecting it to be corrupt sheep meat as the culprit.


Speaking of which perhaps the Wunion reporters can find out who or what has been corrupting so many animals in the Freedom Isles lately and help put a stop to their nefarious practices.


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sounds like the meat was Fowl!

I hope you can hear me groaning at that joke wherever you are :P

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Boat insurance scam in Chaos


 


It looked like a story taken from an action movie. A day ago, it was announce in the recruitment thread of TLR that a village member named Blackmonk, built a bridge to reach a clay tile because his boat had broken down and he had to send it to the Shroud docks for repairs. The story sounded very fishy even from the beggining as not only are the Shroud docks are famous for their past and present scam and fraudulent activities but because he instantly filled an appeal for insurance reimbursement from the company that insured his boat. A citizen of Xanadu that requested his identity to remain secret, contacted The Wurmion's headquarters and revealed a shocking info. Blackmonk, who reportedly sent his boat to the Shroud docks for repairs, is a master ship builder.


 


We contacted Blackmonk for an interview a couple of hours later. His initial resistance to speak with us was followed with a plethora of inconsistencies as according to his words "I accidentally crashed the boat on the bridge under construction". This comes in contrast with the public announcement from TLR where it clearly is stated that the bridge was built because he had no boat to reach the clay. So if the bridge was built to replace the boat's functionality, how did the boat crash on the bridge prior to that event happening ? A paradox ? The plot thickens.


 


Our investigative journalists dug deep into our archive to find assosiated events and as expected it didn't take long for the gold to come to surface. A convicted felon, serving his sentence in home probation was found at the village of TLR. His name is Issle and those that are regular readers of our news feed might remember him. The criminal of the pixels that goes by the name Issle was the person that a year ago, filled a lawsuit against Gumbo Enterprises for - according to his claims - selling him faulty combat gear a case that was later debunked as the plaintiff was trying to scam the insurance money from Gumbo Enterprises.


 


Those two events are closely associated as it looks like there's an organized group of people living in TLR associated with fraudulent activities and insurance scams as both the events were aiming for insurance money and profit. Maciejkow, the village mayor refused to give any explanations in a phone call we had with him and assured us that no such activities are taking place in his village. What is more, he promised to build up a new church to instill religious ethics into the people of his village.


Edited by thelegionriders
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Lost Treasure of Doughboy

Many years have passed since anyone has mentioned the name Doughboy in public circles. To quickly sum up his history... he acquired a vast fortune doing not so legal things. Over time, tales of his hidden treasure have been told in plenty of taverns, while drunken patrons listened earnestly dreaming of discovering the stash. Nary a soul has ever returned with so much as a single gold coin.
While sitting in the office the other day, I received an encrypted message over the Inner Net from my long time buddy, Goldfever. He's an explorer by nature and often travels to far away lands in search of new things. Today however, he asked me to meet him in a disputed war torn part of Chaos. With JK on one side and MR on the other, the meet up was to be in the area between them known as "Dead Mans Land". After arriving at the designated co-ordinates, Goldfever hastily lead the way through some of the thickest brush I've ever seen. Countless times we had to take cover and hide from the roaming patrols of warring Kingdoms. After about 30 minutes, we came across a collapsed mine entrance with a small opening that we could barely squeeze ourselves through. Once inside, Goldfever lit his lantern, then lead me down mine shaft after mine shaft, twisting and turning, the likes of which I'd never seen before. In the distance I could see the tunnel begin to brighten up a bit. Closer and closer we got to the increasing light source, my heart was racing faster than ever before. Turning the final corner, to my amazement, the legends were true. Goldfever had discovered the long lost treasure of Doughboy.

 

Goldfever3.jpg

 

Edited by Gumbo
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It all started with a bit of inadvertent "house cleaning". 


 


When I got trapped in my roof a couple of months ago, I had to bash that portion of the roof down in order to escape.  While cleaning up the mess, I discovered one of the old style homestead deeds had been tucked in the rafters by someone and who knows how long it had been sitting there.  Though in a rush to turn the deed in for the 5 silver payment available from the local authorities, I happened to take a closer look at the back of the deed and noticed some very faint markings.  They were too faint to make out but it sparked enough of my interest to hold on to the deed a bit longer to see if someone else could help.


 


Fortunately (or unfortunately once you know my story), the famed HeadHunter, master of all things color related, recently returned to our isles after an extended vacation.  He agreed to take a look at the map in return for numerous animal tails and other bits.  Mixing it all together in formulas known only to himself, he was able to create a strange potion that temporarily enhanced the black markings enough so that they could be deciphered. You know the rest of the story from there but the area was just too dangerous to even attempt to take anything out, so the entire treasure still remains where I found it, but now totally enclosed by many tiles of solid rock with nothing in the surrounding area to mark the location.  Without the map, I would not be able to even come close to finding it again.


 


I have no idea how the map got into the rafters of my house.  All I can speculate is that it must somehow be related to a trading trip I took to Chaos, or Wild as it was then known, just before the old home servers closed.  While there I met the infamous Doughboy.  Why he would have employed his agents to then plant the map in my house or what further plans he may have had is not known to me.   I now live with the fear that his agents may still be active in our lands and seek to recover the map.  To what ends they may be prepared to resort is a constant worry.


 


As for the map itself, once HeadHunter's potion fully dried out after several days, the markings became even fainter than they were before.  I fear revealing them now may be beyond even his great skill.  I keep it with me constantly, as it is now my most prized possession.  For my benefit, or downfall, only time will reveal. 

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Speed Boat

 

 

 

 

It's been months since the break-in at Silent Hill took place, and the facts about the burglary are finally being pieced together. An anonymous Arch-villain who was recently planted at the deed by the Wunion, has learned many things about what truly happened. First of all, it was revealed that the deed in question is merely a front for some incredibly horrific animal control experiments going on behind locked doors. The thieves were desperately after all information about one of those experiments in particular. The experiment in question is something that could revolutionize the face of PvP and ocean travel worldwide if it ever got out. Rumours of a high speed naval vehicle capable of traveling at a constant 30km/h no matter the wind speed or direction, has piqued the interest of many. With this information in hand, I decided to visit Silent Hill and talk with Professor Aeris personally. At first Aeris was reluctant to reveal any details about this new mode of transport, but after a bit of coaxing, a tour of the entire facility was given. I was shown their original concept, an "octopus helmet". The idea being that the wearer could swim enormous distances with very little effort, due to the assistance of an octopus attached over the top of a steel great helmet. That idea was scrapped after all of the testers fell ill to ink poisoning. Next on the list was the "shark-suit". This idea failed when it was learned that sharks are very amourous creatures. Several of the swimmers were... well lets just say they no longer had their innocence. Finally, we got to the project that caused all the ruckus. Aeris was quite pleased to demonstrate this new means of water travel despite the winter weather and the covering up of her finest ass-et. Silent Hill is proud to announce their newest invention, the Dolphin Boat. Expected to be a big hit at summer cottages everywhere.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aeris9.jpg

 

Edited by Gumbo
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