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Gumbo

The Wunion - Wurms Finest News Source

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The 3 Legged Chicken

Last week Nib and I were out for a country drive around Independence in our brand new two horse-power cart. A beautiful cherry red ride with WoA overdrive on both cylinders. We were cruising along at a comfortable 20 kms/h down the Freedom Highway when all of a sudden in the corner of my eye something blurred past us along the side of the road. I asked Nib if she happened to see something, but she replied that she didn't, and I never gave it a second thought. A couple of kilometers later, the exact same thing happened... a white blur shooting past us on the right hand side, along the shoulder of the road. This time Nib exclaimed that she had seen it too. So I got the whip out and cranked the cart up to full speed. Far in the distance we could see the object make a quick turn into a drive-way ahead of us. When we got to the driveway there was a pointing sign that read 'Blahsonson Farms'. We decided to pull in and see if anyone was around so we could ask if they knew anything about the mysterious white blur. A gentleman by the name of Blahsonson welcomed us pleasantly. Immediately we asked about the thing we both had seen. The man smiled and said, "yup, that there's one of the many chickens we breed here on the farm". He went on to tell us that, he liked chicken legs, his wife liked chicken legs, and their son liked chicken legs. The problem was that when they cooked chicken for dinner, only two of them would get a leg to eat. Over the years, he tried and tried to breed a three legged chicken so that each of them would get a leg at dinner, and that the blur we saw was in fact one of those three legged chickens. Well my jaw dropped on the spot, I could barely believe my ears...this was one amazing story. After a moment, I regained my composure and had to ask the farmer, "So, how do these three legged chickens taste?". The farmer looked me straight in the eye and said, "I wouldn't know, we've never been able to catch one to cook".

 

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so farmer blahsonson actually conducting illegal experiment!


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In the name of Fo, creator of all life, I condemn him!

Edited by Docterchese

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The Death of Nogump

There was a disastrous end to an amazing singing career after beloved crooner Elfis "Nogump" Parsley was turned to stone while belting out his trademark tune "Swanee" last night. Nogump, as his fans liked to call him, was on tour around the Freedom Isles trying to raise money for the underprivileged Orphans on Independence, who've recently found themselves homeless after their village fell into disrepair. Witnesses at the concert claim everything was going well, and then without warning, he just froze up. Some say they saw a hooded woman quickly run from the area shortly after the singer became paralyzed. For those of you living atop a mountain somewhere... Nogump recently broke up with his long time love, the Medusa, after a picture of her checking into an Inn with a champ troll was published. Spirit Templars say the Medusa is a person of interest in the case, and warn people NOT to try to apprehend her. If you happen to see the Medusa, please call the authourities immediately for your own safety. A memorial for Nogump is being planned by his family. If anybody would like one last look at Nogump, his stone statue of a body is on display in Port Onody, location of his final concert.

 

 

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underprivileged Orphans on Independence, who've recently found themselves homeless after their village fell into disrepair

I know what you did there....

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Winter Crash


 


A major accident occurred on a stretch of the Freedom Highway north-east of Dragon Fang Mountain this morning. Overnight a surprise snow storm hit the area making driving conditions extremely difficult. As commuters were making their way to their jobs along the icy road, a young lava spider darted into traffic, causing drivers to slam on their brakes. The resulting chain reaction created one of the largest fender benders in Wurm history. At least a dozen carts were involved in the bang up, and thankfully only a few minor injuries were reported. The lava spider was rushed to a local hospital where it is expected to recover in a couple of days. Sgtscum would like to remind all drivers out there to leave at least a two cart length distance between you and the cart in front of you when driving in the snow. Also, be sure to replace your summer horseshoes with a set of winter shoes, or even attach a set of chains for that extra bit of traction.


 


4hcksi.jpg


Edited by Gumbo
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That red cart appears to be parked illegally.


Edited by Lancelot

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Famous Freedom Farmer Found Fraudulent

It's never a good thing when someone that everybody knows, gets caught using a device that isn't permitted by law. Today unfortunately, is that day for Blahsonson. The spooky rumours and speculations have always existed ever since the Weeping Angels deed first showed up in the Crystal Lake area. Stories like statues mysteriously moving around doing the farming of the crops in the middle of the night, or the genetically modified three legged chickens spotted dashing about the local countryside. For many months the Wunion has secretly been spying on the now infamous farmer in an effort to put an end to the scuttlebutt. On the cusp of a huge announcement from the deeds mayor, we've found out how Blahsonson was really able to tend so many crops, with seemingly so little effort. You'll be shocked by what we discovered.

 

A call was placed for a rather large amount of his goods to be delivered to a distant deed. Knowing the farmhouse would be unguarded, it was the perfect opportunity to investigate. Inside the barn we found nothing out of the ordinary until I accidentally stepped on the head of a rake that was propped up against the back of a large cart. The odd thing was that this rake didn't flip up and hit me in the face... like they normally do when I step on rakes. This rake, and a few others were bound to the back of the cart with wires. There were also a couple of springs jammed in between the rakes' shaft and the cart. Apparently Blahsonson had invented some sort of self farming cart. All he need do is hitch a couple of horses, ride up and down his fields, and the attached rakes would groom all the fields automatically.
Well I say we form a mob, go back to his home and burn it down to the ground for practicing witchcraft!  (or we could politely ask him to help us all make one of these carts, either way is fine by me).

 

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Okay, this is amazing. +143065305673067395824089572809572089457249057902874239048723942348723


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This kept me very entertained while servers are down, I must remember to check the thread more often. Thank you for the good fun :blink:


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Forum Trolls on the Rise Again

After a large recession in forum trolling, it appears to be making a comeback once again. More and more trolls were increasingly finding themselves out of work, with the lack of interest for anyone to post here on the forums. There were simply not enough topics or ideas being posted for all the trolls to work on, and this is having a major effect on the douche-bags who troll posts. One troll was quoted as saying, "My family is starving, I can't troll enough to keep my kids belly full anymore", as he hinted he may just retire from the troll business altogether. Yet another one of these "Yes" or "Aye Aye" little boys noticed his favourite stalking prey make an appearance. Well, he jumped at the chance to once again put his trolling techniques into practice. This Aye Aye douche-bag repeatedly would ignore great posts by his stalking victim for years, but once someone else came along and posted the same idea, Aye Aye boy was all over it creating the drama he so loved to deploy. Now we here at the Wurnion realize people do have to eat, but we would also like to point out how desperately lonely the life of forum troll can be. Sitting in their homes with their fingers up their noses just waiting for their favourite victims to post, can be a heart-wrenching affair. We tried to make a donation to one of these jerks, but our CoD monies came back after not being able to find the address, "beyond time and space".

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Tis the Season to be Thieving

During a time of year when folks are supposed to come together to bring happiness and joy to each other, there seem to be those who do not believe in this tradition. Only last week some new people moved into the area next to The Hills of Aenasan, a new player refuge and academy They proceeded to steal the new player land by fencing off sections of it, and also reinforcing them out of sections of their mine. These dreadful people even went so far as to put a KOS hit on the Mayor of the Orphanage. Truly despicable people.

Then yesterday, people lined up for hours at the Howl waiting for Santa to arrive so they could receive their Christmas gift. One group of ambitious thieves hid around the corner and robbed each person of their gifted Farwalker Amulets moments after they had gotten up from Santa's lap. Reports are, the Templars will never catch those crafty ones. Authourities urge you not to buy any of these items if you see them on the Black market, as they could be taken away from you and used as evidence.

 

Finally, It is with a great sadness that I must report the theft of a game show near and dear to every ones heart, "Deal or No Deal". For over three years Gumbo and Nib happily hosted the program that brought joy to so many. The game show sponsored new deeds, paid upkeep on others, and sent many a player on a shopping spree. This game brought great happiness to the couple, and players alike. It's one thing to take an idea once the creators are done with it, but to steal an idea that is still actively being used is insulting. After finding out that thieves had taken their idea and replaced them with a creepy host and ugly case opener, bad times have befallen Gumbo and Nib. Neither is inspired to contribute anymore. Gumbo was last seen somewhere in a ditch around the Freedom Market area, begging for coins so he can support his growing "speedy ball" (source crystal mixed with wemp)  addiction. Nib has been hit with a huge case of depression after learning she had been replaced as DoND case opener. Her replacement... a woman half her age and half her beauty. Family members say Nib is currently on a 24 hour  /suicide watch. Rumours are that Nib now only stands by her altar, praying all day long. Sad times indeed. If you happen to come across one of these "fly by night" DoND games, we hope you'll make your displeasure known.

A simple rule comes to mind, one that if applied probably would have helped avoid all of these situations. "Ask before taking".

Merry Christmas

Edited by Gumbo
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The Adventure Begins

Today marks a great day that will forever go down in Wurm history. That bold adventurer, Gumbo, has finally returned from his months long journey spanning every corner of the Wurmiverse as we know it. Long ago while on safari in a distant land, he heard tales and lore from natives of an enormous serpent that roamed the seas. This was enough for the traveler to set sail. Day after day, week after week, month after month, Gumbo sailed in search of this now infamous behemoth, only to be let down. Then one morning as sol began to rise, it shone it's beautiful light upon a land mass in the distance. But there was never any land out this way before, what could it possibly be? The ship was directed towards the new found land in earnest. As each moment passed, the small area of land grew larger and larger. The calm seas made the approach extremely slow. Then, as time ticked on, it was realized... this was no little island, this was a new world he had discovered. Gumbo anchored the ship, swam to the shore, stood proudly on the beach, and stuck a flag into the ground. "I hear by name this land after my first village... it shall forever be known as... Xanadu."

Edited by Gumbo
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Misery Redux


 


As a traveling weaponsmith, from time to time I meet some very interesting people. This one day however... I met a woman that was most evil. It all began when Chiqa sent me a very provocative message, requesting I show up at her home to imp a few things. Seeing as this was my business, the forge was loaded into the knarr and I was on my way. Nothing out of the ordinary, a couple 90ql imps and the job was done in about an hour. Chiqa was very pleased with the work and mentioned she would need more imps the next morning. It was late and she politely offered food, drink, and a bed to sleep for the night, which I graciously accepted. This was my big mistake. On awaking the next morning, I found myself tethered to the bed posts, barely able to move a muscle. I began to yell and scream for help, yet no-one arrived. My hostess did not seem to be around. Fortunately I keep a small carving knife hidden in my sleeve for emergency tool making. I was able to cut through the bindings and escape the room. On wandering around the deed, it was discovered all the exit gates and gate houses were locked tight. I was trapped once again as the hours slowly passed by. Then by some miracle while stumbling around trying to find a way out, a wayward soul happened by the deed. Calling out to the stranger, she came over to where I was caged. Taskmaster was her name, a beautiful lass dressed in black drake. I offered her a free 90ql imp if she would help me escape the prison. Taskmaster hesitated for a slight moment, then agreed. Remembering I had a Farwalker Twig stashed away in a satchel, I passed the Twig through the tall iron gate, then gave instructions on how to use it. A moment later, my heroine returned with the primed Twig. I quickly tapped it on the ground and was magically teleported out of the prison Chiqa had locked me in. I'm not sure if she still lives there or how many others had fallen into her trap, but don't plan on ever going back to find out.

Edited by Gumbo
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Misery Redux

 

As a traveling weaponsmith, from time to time I meet some very interesting people. This one day however... I met a woman that was most evil. It all began when Chiqa sent me a very provocative message, requesting I show up at her home to imp a few things. Seeing as this was my business, the forge was loaded into the knarr and I was on my way. Nothing out of the ordinary, a couple 90ql imps and the job was done in about an hour. Chiqa was very pleased with the work and mentioned she would need more imps the next morning. It was late and she politely offered food, drink, and a bed to sleep for the night, which I graciously accepted. This was my big mistake. On awaking the next morning, I found myself tethered to the bed posts, barely able to move a muscle. I began to yell and scream for help, yet no-one arrived. My hostess did not seem to be around. Fortunately I keep a small carving knife hidden in my sleeve for emergency tool making. I was able to cut through the bindings and escape the room. On wandering around the deed, it was discovered all the exit gates and gate houses were locked tight. I was trapped once again as the hours slowly passed by. Then by some miracle while stumbling around trying to find a way out, a wayward soul happened by the deed. Calling out to the stranger, she came over to where I was caged. Taskmaster was her name, a beautiful lass dressed in black drake. I offered her a free 90ql imp if she would help me escape the prison. Taskmaster hesitated for a slight moment, then agreed. Remembering I had a Farwalker Twig stashed away in a satchel, I passed the Twig through the tall iron gate, then gave instructions on how to use it. A moment later, my heroine returned with the primed Twig. I quickly tapped it on the ground and was magically teleported out of the prison Chiqa had locked me in. I'm not sure if she still lives there or how many others had fallen into her trap, but don't plan on ever going back to find out.

She is more evil than me? :(

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There is so much of evilness in the world.. Different types also. But, this sounds more like a twisted one.. And for some reason they make something to tingle inside of me.. In good way.. 


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