My insights (Totally non game related)

[Daggani 0]

I really don't go to many forums, boards, chat sites or whatever else people tend to go to these days to socialize online. However, I wrote something tonight that I just feel it would be a shame not to share it. I've already fully prepared myself for all the trolls and critics to eat away at this, but I don't care. It's my thoughts, my opinions, my insights. If you don't agree, that's your right. And what better place to shove it all but an Off topic forum eh? Perhaps if this inspires you, then maybe you'll end up passing it around too someday. Now then, let us lure in those trolls and readers.

My Insights on Love

So why is it that it always seems like the good girls end up with jerks? That's a question I've asked myself many times over the years. Too many times I tried to apply logic to it, and always ended up with a confusion. The things I've witnessed or things I was told never seemed to make sense. I struggled with figuring this out not only for the pursuit of trying to understand the human mind, but also in the pursuit to try and figure out why is it that girls always say they want a good guy when they commonly tell guys all the time "You're too good for me". I think after all my time debating this with myself I have come to my conclusion, and will now share it with you.

First thing to figure out is obvious. Why? So simple a word, yet asking so much. Why is it that these girls whom all seem like such wonderful people put themselves through total chaos at times just to be with someone in which we are outsiders to the relationship believe are not right for them? Obviously something is right, or else they wouldn't be there together making you ask that question, but what is it? Something has to be acting as a glue to hold it together, and I think I know just what it is. The "good" girls as we call them are all showing what is naturally born to them. They have what many refer to as a motherly instinct. A desire to take care of a love someone who needs them. Someone that they believe is unable to function without their existence. Someone that makes them feel needed. What better a client to fill this role than some jerk of a guy, right?

It may sound so simple, and the truth is that it is. The reason a girl is a "good" girl comes from that they have that instinct in them that makes them want to give and love someone. You have no idea how many times I have been told that they stick with the said person for the mere fact that they think they can change them. They can have some effect on their life that will somehow rescue this said person from what they believe to be distress. However, this can cause issues. People who are distressed and hurt many times don't want to be help. They feel they are fine or nothing is wrong. They are jerks because they push away the person who is trying to help them. Why would they do that though? What could cause someone to shove away someone who cares for them so much?

Have you ever turned down money from someone who offered it to you, even though they said you could pay it back? Ever felt bad taking from a charity, even if you really did need it? It's that same feeling inside them. Perhaps it is guilt, pride, or some other reason that fuels their quest to avoid help. In accepting help, they feel humbled and now they have an invisible debt hanging over their heads. Does the person helping them see it this way? Most of the time no, which is why problems occur. Sure, they would just offer the help and give it without expecting anything in return, maybe there would be less conflict. However, deep down inside they want something. It could be a variety of things. Maybe they want to see progress? Or perhaps they want to be told thank you? Something even as simple as being held at night to let them know you appreciate what they do. This is where conflict occurs because now that invisible debt needs to be paid by a person who never wanted it in the first place. Now you get conflict and this "good" girl feels hurt because even though she did what she thought was best and helpful, suddenly this person is attacking her for helping. Wouldn't that make anyone feel kinda bad? Ever have someone decline your gift and say no thanks? What about someone who got irate about it and found it offensive?

However, this is not just limited to females only. There are plenty of cases where the roles are switched and the male side is the one who is trying to help the "damsel in distress". That term is common for a reason, because it always seems that good people are drawn to pain and suffering in an attempt to fix it, doesn't it? That's what makes them good people. The story is still the same though with the same effects are before. Yes, perhaps males and females react differently giving which role of the good and bad they play on. However, the cause is still the same. One person wants to help the other who doesn't want to be helped. Until they do want you, it will never work. Eventually, they will call them a "jerk" and move on. Maybe they'll latch on forever and live in their own battlefield of life fighting for who they love. How are they a jerk though when they were the ones who were having things forced on them they didn't want though? Think about that the next time you dismiss someone for the same reasons.

Not all relationships are bad though. There is, after all, some good and hope in this world. These situations still have the same foundations though, except now one side or both are willing to accept help and care. Instead of fighting it and feeling bad, they rather make it up to them and repay the kindness with their own form of kindness. The truth is that you are in a relationship because the other person has something you need. If we were secure about ourselves one hundred percent and had no one to impress, then why would we bother? There are people like that by the way, and they just push on through life avoiding relationships. However, we all as humans are just that. Human. We have emotions and we all get hurt somewhere down the road. In essence, we are all broken somehow. When you find that right person that will tend to your wounds as you tend to theirs, that's what you can call your soul mate.

Wounds don't have to be extreme. They than be subtle. All your emotional wound needs to do is provide a chance for your partner to make themselves feel needed so that they feel accomplished in their role. "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?" is an excellent example of a question that gives you a chance to step forward and comfort their self image. Men have subtle wounds too, just many of them are too "manly" to talk about them. Being a man myself even I feel comfort in hearing a partner tell me something that perhaps I already know, but them reinforcing it boosts my confidence. If you look at any successful relationship you will find a few common factors. Trust and communication.

They have to be able to trust you in order to open up to you enough to allow you to help them and to feel secure that you will not instead end up hurting them. Why would you hand a scalpel to a stranger on the street just because they said they can do surgery? You want proof they are qualified. The fact is that love can spawn hate if not tended properly. Its a sharp razor like a doctor uses that can either be used to heal you, or hurt you. That is why you have to give it to the right people, or you will only end up scarred. Too many people feel attraction is love and they fall deeply into their feelings far too early in a relationship. These people are just asking for trouble, but then again it is a fact of no risk, no reward. I believe that you can open yourself up as long as you have already accepted that maybe they aren't the one. It will still be disappointing if it doesn't work out, but you provided yourself a mental cushion to fall back on to tell yourself that you already expected and planned for this. The people that get hurt the most are the ones who rush headlong into it thinking there is no other option but love with this person. That is a mistake and you will find yourself in time hating the other gender for petty reasons that can be traced back to your own recklessness with your feelings. Don't you dare call all guys pigs just because you let yourself get affected by one guy, and same to your guys not to call all girls gold diggers or claim they are all out to use you just because one girl. You should have stepped more carefully and I am sorry, but it's your fault too.

Perhaps I sound a bit harsh on the matter, but I myself used to be one of those same people.  I still am actually. I know for a fact I get attached quickly. I love the feeling of knowing someone is there that cares for me, and it overwhelms me. Plenty of times I try too hard to love them back and repay them for how they make me feel. However, this leads us into another common issue. The ones that say "Sorry, you're too good for me". I've been told that so many times that I've lost count. How can this happen? To be honest, it's the exact same reasons I list above about good people being with distressed people, but occasionally there are exceptions. Sometimes you flood yourself over too much and it suffocates the other side. Yes, maybe you do have your own wounds that need tended as well. However, you are out doing and out classing the other side and now they feel that they need to do more in order to keep up. You create again an invisible debt that is now hanging on their heads How can you fix this? I'm sure I could sit here and tell you how, but then I'd be a hypocrite. I know how to fix it, and yet I still can't manage to somehow apply my logic to love. I always end up trying to do more and do better for my partner because it makes me feel good to know that I am dedicating myself to pleasing them. That's just who I am, and if someone gets suffocated by it I already have a mental cushion set up to prepare myself for the fall. The fact is that even if you do know how to do it right, when the moment comes your emotions can cloud your mind and you end up doing it wrong anyways.

What determines what is right and wrong in a relationship anyways? I have actually found out something interesting, and I am sure many of you can agree with me on this too. Most commonly, people don't tend to break up with their partners unless they are influenced by an outside source. They talk to a friend or relative and ask them what they think they should do. They hear something in the news or read it online. Yes, most break ups occur not because the person themselves would have done it on their own. It is normally caused because something or someone else told them it was wrong or right. This is the wrong way to do it, and here's why.

Does someone in a relationship with a dominatrix mean they are wrong? In many people's eyes, they don't understand it at all because they see it in a third person perspective where all they understand is this woman is dominating and abusing this person who for whatever odd reason willing agrees. However what they fail to realize is that if that person didn't want to be there, they wouldn't be. What is right and wrong in a relationship is determined by the people in the relationship, not anyone who isn't. Only you and your partner could ever understand why you do what you do and love the way that you do. No one else can give you valid points or advice simply because they do not feel the same feeling you feel towards this person. If your excuse to break up with someone is based off that someone else told you that you should, then you are making a mistake. It's your life and your choice to make. If you truly feel you should leave, then you should make that decision. However, it is human nature that we want to be reassured that our choices and actions are right in the eyes of others. We live in a day and age where many of us feel the need to impress those around us and conform with their ideas instead of sticking to our own. This is good and bad in it's own sense, but that's an entirely other story.

I mentioned communication before as well. The reason I saved this for second is because communication won't exist honestly unless there is trust. It is absolutely vital that you communicate with your partner if you expect to grow bonds for many reasons. You need to be able to discuss issues and problems that occur before they spiral into something worse. In the back of your head you may tell yourself "I'll just tolerate it and get used to it". That is not the answer unless you talk first. They may not even realize it bugs you. Talk about it in an open, calm manner and explain yourself. Reach a compromise if needed. If they refuse to change it, then you tolerate it. Also, communication can also build trust. You want to know why your partner is interested in your secrets? It's because secrets are like money in a bank growing interest. The longer you keep their secret, the more they start to instinctively trust you. Them knowing that you hold something like that in your hands and still feeling safe about it makes them more open to you. I'm not saying to go tell your new girlfriend all your dark secrets in an attempt to bond with her. No, secret's take time and trust to be told. If you tell them to the wrong people, they will use them against you. Once that happens, it's nearly impossible to repair the damage done to your trust.

I hope that in my writing down my thoughts I have somehow at least educated, entertained, or in some manner benefited you. I am certain that someone in this world will disagree with something I said. That's fine and normal. We all have our ideas on how things work, and this is mine. It doesn't have to be what you agree with, but you can at least respect it's what I believe just as I will respect what you do as well. Mainly because there is no one true answer to love. There are many answers. Everyone works differently and wants different things. These are just my answers and my solutions. They won't work for everyone and you will never find a single answer that will, unless it's so broad and open that it could be perceived in many different ways. Then that really isn't much of an answer since all it did was make you ask more questions. I also know that I am a huge hypocrite too. Like I said, emotions change what you do and alter your perception and logic. I know that even I still do things wrong, otherwise I wouldn't still be sitting here wondering when I will find that right woman to come along. I just want to share with the world and hope that maybe my words might inspire at least one person to find their love. As long at it touches one person, I'll be happy.

So I bid you farewell and wish you the best of luck in love. It is a dangerous game, but at long as you play it safely you can minimize your losses and eventually find your reward. Don't give up and keep hunting, because when you do find what you want you will be blown away by the sheer power of it.

~Leon D. Snyder  (Written October 1st, 2010)

[vinius 1,506]

However, this is not just limited to females only.

[Guest MrConor]

Forever alone.

[Guest Redsyndicate]

Forever alone.

Same here bro.

Same here.

[Talfryn 0]

Singles appreciation day... Twas made for two.