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Enki

Random Enkounters (2021 Edition)

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It's time to start off a whole new dozen Random Enkounters.

 

This first one is brought to you by our sponsors at Goobler.  "a little elfs magical blood goes a long way"   Pick up a box of their light, buttery, and crunchy crackers today!  Made with fresh all natural ingredients and no preservatives after every battle on the elves factory in the Elvenwoods of Deliverance.

 

I spun the wheel and fell to Celebration at ... oh no....  not here again......  noooooooooo!

 

What transpired below is not for the weak of mind.

 

Spoiler

 

[18:19:24] <Madnath> ruh roh
[18:19:32] <Enki> GREETINGS!
[18:20:03] <Fabricant> hello hello
[18:20:07] <Madnath> Ello
[18:25:00] <Madnath> Can I interest you in some cheese?
[18:31:47] <Enki> so,, its that time of year again
[18:31:54] <Enki> The end of January
[18:32:05] <Enki> and I must hold a Random Enkounter
[18:32:10] <Fabricant> merry january
[18:32:28] <Enki> well I suppose I don't have to,  it's just fun raining down bloody violence on everyone
[18:32:29] <Madnath> feliz january
[18:32:47] <Enki> Since the Randomizer appears to be broken and has landed me here yet again...
[18:32:58] <Enki> You have a choice
[18:33:26] <Enki> The standard quiz show version of the Enkounter....
[18:33:34] <Enki> or...  drum roll please....
[18:33:54] <Madnath> drr rrr r r rrr r rr r r rrrr r r rr
[18:33:55] <Enki> A vicious, and bloody battle of war checkers!
[18:33:56] <Madnath> close enough
[18:34:14] <Madnath> Hmmmm, are the prizes the same regardless of which option we choose?
[18:34:25] <Enki> No, they are still totally random
[18:34:43] <Madnath> I meant amount but yeah, I will let Fab choose since he missed both previous Enkounters here
[18:35:14] <Enki> We will base this one on how many kings are made by the player who challenges me
[18:35:25] <Madnath> Oooooh, interesting
[18:35:48] <Enki> So, your choice,  a random set of random enkounter stuff or checkers?
[18:36:49] <Madnath> Make your choice Fab, I leave this in your hands
[18:37:06] <Fabricant> i feel like this was all set up to get us to play checkers
[18:37:26] <Enki> So did I,  but I did not build the Randomizer.
[18:37:51] <Madnath> I am setting a checkers area at the pork bench outside my house, if you choose to do that
[18:38:01] <Fabricant> why your house
[18:38:05] <Fabricant> why not the half built stage
[18:38:08] <Enki> Who knows, the next Enkounter could be Lava Hopscotch
[18:38:15] <Madnath> because it's half built with no table
[18:38:19] <Madnath> but go ahead

 

After half an hour of arguing on where to hold the checkers match...

 

[18:38:34] <Madnath> dropped the checkers board in the wagon, I will try and get you both seating
[18:38:55] <Fabricant> i only grabbed basic chairs, nothing fancy
[18:39:07] <Madnath> excuse me Enki is here, we break out the good chairs and fine china, okay?
[18:39:25] <Fabricant> very well
[18:39:55] <Madnath> two chairs set up, checkers board is in the wagon already

[18:41:15] <Fabricant> you seriously expect us to play checkers on opposite sides of the table

[18:41:20] <Madnath> yes
[18:42:01] <Madnath> quick enki, take the supreme chair
[18:42:34] <Fabricant> oh i took the throne for enki but okay
[18:42:47] <Madnath> shiny chair
[18:42:49] <Fabricant> you didnt even align it to the grid
[18:42:54] <Enki> I have been tricked...  you will suffer for that!
[18:43:30] <Enki> Now there's soemne who knows how to set a table
[18:43:48] <Madnath> I'd like to remind you he hasn't even put cheese on the table
[18:44:10] <Enki> You seem to be under a strange misimpression
[18:44:18] <Enki> My forte is snowballs
[18:44:35] <Madnath> Oh, fairly sure we have a rare one around for you then, once Fab is done with table fashion
[18:44:53] <Fabricant> i am compelled to decorate
[18:45:31] <Madnath> I am really scared at what you just spawned, whatever it is Enki
[18:46:05] <Madnath> are you gents ready to rock?
[18:46:24] <Fabricant> doesn't feel right to use the big boy chair but yeah i guess i'm ready
[18:46:35] <Enki> Earthquake scheduled today?
[18:47:15] <Madnath> Given our locations, thankfully we don't need to worry about those occurrences
[18:47:55] <Enki> Okay, here are the rules
[18:48:09] <Enki> wait...  that's....  disturbing
[18:48:13] <Enki> and totally AWESOME!!!
[18:48:23] <Madnath> I prefered my Pacman cheeses
[18:48:38] <Fabricant> that's the ref. john cheese.
[18:48:54] <Enki> But... how did you know that you were going up against a Pacman champ!
[18:49:36] <Enki> Unless you are a Pong wizard you stand no chance against my dot chomping skillz!
[18:50:22] <Enki> Now then, If you manage to make a king piece before I do, You will get some some nice random goodies
[18:50:45] <Fabricant> time to sacrifice all my pieces to make that happen
[18:50:46] <Enki> However, if I make a king piece first, Madnath will have to handle a mob of some random things
[18:50:55] <Fabricant> oh
[18:50:59] <Fabricant> maybe i won't have to do that
[18:51:03] <Enki> hehe  decisions decisions.
[18:51:13] <Fabricant> I am okay with either outcome
[18:51:32] <Madnath> I will grab some cotton and eat up now then
[18:51:38] <Enki> as am I,  LETS PLAY BALL!  I mean little round discs
[18:51:45] <Madnath> Fab, I just want you to know
[18:51:50] <Madnath> I have absolute faith in you
[18:51:54] <Madnath> And also, utterly 0 faith in you
[18:53:21] <Madnath> There will be someone else watching your moves to ensure no new king pieces appear from under the table by the way
[18:53:45] <Enki> Since you have decided to use the maze runner, I will have to go with the Gnomish Defense
[18:54:03] <Fabricant> ah a classic strategy!
[18:55:10] <Enki> Ooh, the Palpatine stance!
[18:55:43] <Enki> I counter with the Lassie
[18:56:12] <Fabricant> a very strong move that I had no way to predict, mainly because I have no idea what I'm doing
[18:56:43] <Enki> a lot of that going on in the world these days
[18:57:14] <Fabricant> I call this move the "mistake" because it will be a mistake
[18:57:42] <Enki> OH NO... what have you done....   PIKACHU!!!!!!
[18:57:58] <Enki> NOOOOOOOO!  I did not see that coming!
[18:58:34] <Enki> My only play is the Counselor Troi Gambit
[18:59:21] <Enki> You fell for it!  Now the Jedi Strikes Back!
[18:59:43] <Fabricant> Noooooo!
[19:00:10] <Fabricant> unbelievable, I've been played like a fiddle
[19:00:12] <Enki> Hmm I miscounted,  you are saved!
[19:00:39] <Enki> oh lord... what have I done...
[19:00:42] <Enki> WHEW
[19:00:57] <Enki> You pulled a Jar Jar
[19:01:10] <Enki> I cannot believe you did not see my huge mistake
[19:01:50] <Enki> Now I have defended myself with the Troll stance
[19:02:25] <Enki> Nice try using an m&m ploy
[19:03:06] <Enki> Time to use the Lister
[19:03:41] <Fabricant> the only way I can save myself is to use the Calvin Klein Curtain Climb
[19:03:58] <Enki> I'm impressed!
[19:05:15] <Enki> I must stick to the basic Equestrian head on a stick play
[19:05:17] <Madnath> Oh it's getting a little spicy in here
[19:06:55] <Enki> Wow, I see you setup a perfect Mad Max
[19:07:57] <Enki> I have to run a Daniel Jackson Gambit if I am to get out of this one
[19:08:41] <Fabricant> I have no choice but to play the Patrick Swayze's Road House, the only known counter to the Daniel Jackson Gambit
[19:09:17] <Enki> darn!  It worked!
[19:09:40] <Enki> Woohoo I see an escape vector
[19:10:09] <Enki> The Schwartz!
[19:11:33] <Fabricant> ahh how unfortunately, I have no way to get out of this one
[19:11:47] <Enki> There is but one hope for you
[19:11:58] <Enki> But I am not so kind as to reveal it
[19:14:16] <Enki> That! was not it!
[19:14:46] <Madnath> Oh no! Our prizes are dead and I'm about to be dead
[19:16:44] <Enki> And only a Teenage Mutant Turtle strategy could ever save this game for you
[19:17:04] <Fabricant> there's really not much I can do at this point
[19:17:15] <Enki> MUAHAHAHAHAAH  Madnath are you ready to pay the price!

 

The Yodarians were unleashed on Madnath while Fabricant and I continued our brutal game of intense strategy.

 

[19:17:36] <Enki> I have acquired General Hammond
[19:18:08] <Madnath> I hope I can be both Captain Slow and Sergeant Clarkson now then
[19:18:18] <Madnath> I think I'm ready
[19:19:23] <Madnath> This works, I hate baby yoda
[19:19:44] <Enki> ooh, smooth move Captain Max Reload! I was not anticipating that
[19:19:58] <Enki> Madnath how you doing over there?
[19:20:18] <Madnath> I am starting to hurt, I wish I could have made it on the dirt so you could watch
[19:20:26] <Madnath> I left stage and they ran up here so
[19:21:22] <Enki> I have your troops surrounded on all sides now Fabricant.
[19:21:26] <Fabricant> I have no solid moves left, everything leads to my destruction
[19:21:32] <Fabricant> may as well just give in to the inevitable
[19:21:40] <Madnath> Well that's August Boar 1 - Enki 1
[19:22:11] <Enki> It is a perfect Penelope Von Shweets play
[19:23:13] <Madnath> [01:22:49] You ask Vynora for forgiveness if the aged champion Baby Yoda does not please her.
[19:23:14] <Enki> ooh clever... sacrificing a C3P0
[19:23:16] <Madnath> Vynora wants to kill me
[19:23:51] <Enki> But that gives me an Admiral Adama
[19:24:57] <Enki> And you have managed to get a Queen Amidala
[19:25:29] <Enki> Time to try an Elmer Fudd
[19:26:35] <Enki> Ooh, a perfect Goofy, but I see what you are trying
[19:27:07] <Enki> Take that.. a Mickey Mouse
[19:27:17] <Fabricant> I have forced myself into an Impossible Disco situation
[19:27:46] <Enki> There is still the possibility of pulling it off with a John Travolta
[19:27:54] <Madnath> Wait is that two Enki kings?
[19:28:14] <Fabricant> three
[19:28:17] <Madnath> Three... Erk. I will get back down to the dirt ready for the spawn
[19:28:37] <Enki> Try 3!  I now have the Steward of Gondor

 

I just waved my wand over Madnath's way and unleashed some random things while I was busy planning Fabricant's ultimate loss.


[19:29:37] <Madnath> Oh god I am going to get wrecked
[19:29:50] <Madnath> OH GOD
[19:31:16] <Enki> I am now about to get King Arthur
[19:32:02] <Enki> Nice try, but that won't hold out against the Popeye
[19:33:20] <Fabricant> very well. I will go down fighting.
[19:33:42] <Enki> The Ewok play it is
[19:34:39] <Enki> Now all I have left to do is run the Aldeberon shuffle
[19:36:36] <Enki> Nice try but the Reemus maneuver requires 2
[19:36:58] <Fabricant> was that the sound of somebody meeting their end? hahaha
[19:37:07] <Madnath> yes, just not me
[19:37:17] <Fabricant> slain in the boat, what a shame
[19:37:29] <Madnath> our sleeping mystery man
[19:37:45] <Enki> oh dear...  we now have a Napolean
[19:38:23] <Enki> arghh What have I done, I could have Walkered you in 2 moves!
[19:39:04] <Enki> Whew, one Will Robinson strike to save the day
[19:39:14] <Fabricant> I intend to draw this last part out as long as possible just to be a nuisance
[19:40:09] <Enki> Then I must bring Cat into play
[19:40:16] <Enki> Muahahahaha
[19:40:51] <Enki> Once I have Cat in play all that is left is to setup an Arnold Rimmer
[19:41:05] <Enki> And no Holly will save you now!
[19:41:35] <Fabricant> it's the controversial Susan Can I Borrow Your Coat play. it only exists to stall the game.
[19:41:36] <Enki> DOOOOOOMMMMMEEEDDDD!
[19:41:51] <Fabricant> it's over
[19:42:01] <Enki> I WIN!
[19:42:05] <Madnath> Fab I'm giving you the bill for my scale imp
[19:42:08] <Enki> Now Madnath....  hehehehe
[19:42:21] <Madnath> Oh god, more?
[19:42:33] <Fabricant> go for it

 

A couple of champion celebrating hell scorpions to top the event off


[19:43:31] <Enki> Fabricant,  you were soundly defeated
[19:43:47] <Madnath> I wont let him live it down
[19:44:01] <Enki> But you played a long game and therefore I will anoint you with several participation gifts
[19:44:46] <Enki> And thank you for the snowball

 



For Fabricant's participation prizes,  some lettuce, pizza, a common rake, and some needles.

 

Until next month!

 

 

 

 

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It was a brutal game and I got demolished. I was simply not prepared for the moves Enki dished upon me. My move set had served me well in the past but clearly Enki has been practicing and perfecting his play. Checkers enthusiasts, study this game thoroughly for the meta is changing right before your very eyes.

 

Special thanks to John Cheese for overseeing this game on such short notice.

CRI6DY5.png

Edited by Fabricant
can't believe I forgot to thank the referee
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Thanks for that! Brightened my day and provided a few good laughs (along with some sideways glances from my wife).

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