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Madnath

Valerie Worldwide 90

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Artist rendition of Peaceful Harbour, Celebration

 

Hello everyone, Retro is on break so I figured I'd deliver the news this week. So without further adieu...

 

Wurm Online launching on Epic Game Store!

That's right everyone, the idea of launching on Steam has been scrapped and instead we're moving ahead with launching on the Epic Game Store. We're not allowed to disclose the figure we were offered by our good partner in business Tim Sweeney, though we can confirm we're now able to buy back the services of Notch on the dev team and move ahead with the webshop, new UI and some brand new features that have been widely requested! Such as expansion packs, DLC, cosmetics purchasable to give you Chaos friends an extra edge in battles and a lot more! Keep watching this space for more information on the progress of this move.

 

Show off your moves!

Thanks to our brand new partnership, you'll soon be able to unbox exclusive dance moves from Fortnite! Strut your stuff with the Saturday Night Fever! Do a rain danec with the Funky Wurm! And we're very proud to announce we've acquired exclusive rights to the Carlton dance! We'll have more information to share about this in the coming years, along with the New Elevation map.

 

We're gonna take you back to the past!

Along with Wurm EGS (name is work in progress) we're happy to announce the launch of Wurm Classic! Go back to the time of standing in boats and on horses, green shirt models. Sadly the goblin model will have to be changed over due to a potential copyright issue with the Troll brand of toys. We can also confirm the first 69 people to log in after purchase of the game will receive 45kg of goulasch in a barrel and a free (one time) feast from the starter town Julebord

 

Retro Promoted to CEO of parent company Game Chest , major shareholder of Code Club's game Wurm Online!

While we say goodbye to Retro from his community position, we're happy to announce him as the brand new CEO of Game Chest, becoming one of the two most powerful staff members in the game (right behind overlord Bloody Drongo, all hail)

 

PvP(vE!)

That's right, for a very limited time we will finally be able to have our own Purge! For a short time, all PvE servers will have full PvP rules and abilities enabled. These quasi-PvP servers will finally allow you to nuke your neighbours deed and murder them in cold blood for farting on your horse that one time. And for those feeling really brave, casting a rite of death will deal a severe head wound to all white light followers and priests, regardless of current health.

 

The future of the unique mob

Due to the continued drama behind the current unique system, we've contacted resident expert Oblivionnreaver to work on a brand new overhaul for the current system that will benefit everyone server wide, rather than one small group of people. As a temp fix, all uniques will be hand spawned by the current GM team under his deed. That means the only barrier in the way of reaching a unique now is crossing to the same server and breaking through his 104 cast NoLo ring.

 

 

That's all the news for this week, though we're hoping to see Bloodscythe provide his brand new weekly feature, drunk weather report, very shortly. Expect to see that thread in Town Square soon. 

Until then...

Keep grinding!

 

Edited by Madnath
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The real question in this thread is:

 

Who is Valerie?

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2 minutes ago, Sklo:D said:

The real question in this thread is:

 

Who is Valerie?

 

Idk but I wish she'd come on over...

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4 minutes ago, Sklo:D said:

The real question in this thread is:

 

Who is Valerie?

 

 

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Best news of the year and I didn't even write it. 

 

Regards

Retrograde

Ceo 

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What about me?  What about my needs?  I was hoping for a true retro Wurm experience.  Floppy disks, landline modems, we would have had something special.

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Who the (radio edit) is Valerie?

 

All hail Bloody Retro Cereals!

 

1 hour ago, Ehizellbob said:

 

Idk but I wish she'd come on over...

Would raise prem count by 33%? :)

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1 hour ago, Evening said:

 

 

Amy Winehouse is really missed from this world. Honestly. 

 

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2 hours ago, Oblivionnreaver said:

i for one welcome our new loot box overlords

**Surprise mechanics

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2 hours ago, Shrimpiie said:

**Surprise mechanics

 

But are they quite ethical?

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3 hours ago, griper said:

But will we get Glocks?

 

Yes, however they replace the current GM ebony wands.

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So much win in this post. So much better than retros posts. LOL madnath for PR!

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57 minutes ago, Nomadikhan said:

So much win in this post. So much better than retros posts. LOL madnath for PR!

Wow

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Due to the imperious and unfounded claims of this posthumus preposterousness we have sent out our undercover altitudes of Inside on the Outside Investigative Services to disparage these various clams (sp intended). The results are as follows.....

 

Wurm Online launching on Epic Game Store!

Notch remained securely within his V shaped tree refuge and would not come down for comment about any participation within this venture, although he was very generous in offering all the woodscraps we could carry at the base of his whittling tree. Tim Sweeney remains in hiding due to various Wurm players attempting to hunt him down for his non-delivery of various items and character sales.

 

Show off your moves!

The new owners of Code Club AB remain firm in their stance against dance due to religious objections of unseemly actions and torsotoe distortions. The new Elevation map will be lowered to meet the participants standards and renamed Onthelevel.

 

We're gonna take you back to the past!

Wurm Classic will be remade with a new flavor and new name (aforementioned). Although it would take players back to the origins of Wurm Online none will be able to log into it due to the old hardware being unavailable. The prizes will still be given out within that environment (non-transferable) should anyone wish to claim them.

 

Retro Promoted to CEO of parent company Game Chest , major shareholder of Code Club's game Wurm Online!

Upon receiving this news Retrograde immediately moved to a remote location within the interior of New Guinea to live with the one remaining cannibal tribe in the region and sent his tongue back to HQ to speak in his absence (or someone sent it back anyway). Before departure he drew up his will leaving all shares to benefit the Australian Emu Foundation (no connection to the player Emoo) in the hopes of returning them to flight in the near future.

 

PvP(vE!)

Purging is a self destructive method to attempt to control and loose weight and will not be tolerated by the parent company GCG AB. Although some Wurm players secretly followed this practice within the privacy of their own homes it must remain within those confines with no liability of consent or approval implied.

 

The future of the unique mob

All valuable items will be removed from them upon death by GM oversight and deposited within the GM trash heap for safe keeping. Due to this it is realized that the participation of players will be low so the overseeing GM will strike the final blow when necessary. Otherwise they will roam the servers freely passing through all objects above and below ground without doing any damage to them. They will wave with a cheery expression upon their faces and may cry out pleading if you attempt to attack them; thus, only the most heartless amongst us will seek to shorten their lives to prove their, what I don't know.

 

There you have it Wurmaintes! The real news behind the news whose views are fews. Always on the outlook against your better judgement our undercover altitudes remain dedicated to dispelling the misspellings of the unfounded. Please don't litter and bury your corpses.

 

=Ayes=

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7 hours ago, Nomadikhan said:

So much win in this post. So much better than retros posts. LOL madnath for PR!

Thank you for the kind words but Retro is the true master of this art, nothing can top him. This was really just a spur of the moment idea I had which I did because I have too much time on my hands. Maybe next time Retro is on break I could do it again? Depends on if I can think of some more ideas.

 

I'm glad people are having fun trying to figure out who Valerie is.

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