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shamflam

I have to get this of my chest

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I wont say any names so the people I write about are being kept anonymous but I hope they know that I am talkign to them

So I have been cought griefing :( apearantly I was digging holes in the higway and put a sign down meteor strikes. First of all I want to apologize for every problem I have caused by this traveling. Also sorry for the bad English, English is not my native language.

I wasn't aware of it being a highway However I do was aware I was griefing. Long story short there was a "friend" of me living there between these 2 deeds I did the work and she has been ignoring me for about 2 weeks now with no reason given to me. I mean I play chess the day before 'no signal' we where talking about chess hustlers in NY central park everything was fine then all of a sudden complete silence none of my pm's where answered I was bloked from TS and the forum of the website. I completely understand it's their right to do so if they had a reason for it but none was given to me and all was fine before. We even agreed I would buy silver from her and she was gonne finish up on an order of marble for me. Didn't hear from that aswell. So I had to take matters in my own hands, the plan was to go over there and plant a sign it would take forever for ehr to destroy it so she would ahve to talk to me to remove it. But things escalated I was frustrated and I overdid it I dug 2 holes and littered the place with garbage. 

 

The next day I felt kinda bad and decided to login again. I was gonne drop some stuff off at my deli deed and come back to fill the holes backup if she would reply to myself. Well I didn't even got of indy or a GM contacted me asking me to explain 'the job' I did on the highway. First I was a bit confused about highway then I knew that he meant what I did Iand I remembered it was a highway. 
So I explained the same thing I said here and told him I was planning to fix it anyway and told him to tell the person in question to talk to me so we could sort things out and so I can finaly know what I did wrong. The GM told me he would do so.  if she replied but he told me I had to do it anyway. So I did fill everythign back up and packed the dirt missed 8 bricks but I didn't ahd any on me so I went on a weekend trip to my grandmother.This mornign I login finding a huge buildboard in front of my face telling me I have to add the 8 bricks. 
 

Now I don't know what to do anymore they treated me like ###### 

like ###### x10 not telling me what I ever did to them

x100 for not letting know anything was up and everything seemed fine

x1000 cause I considered that person a friend we have been on TS for several years and I have been playing other games with them aswell never had any problems and always had fun when I was on TS with them

 

obviously they told the GM I had to add the bricks and at this point I wont unless she talks to me. They can ban me I don't care might be even good so person in question feels a lot of guild.

 

She always believed me and valued my honesty (at least thats what she says so I hope this honest reply might clear things up.
 

and if this is one big troll of you I have to tell you good job you succeeded

 

but I don't think it is 

 

I know I handled this a bit wrong by starting to grief said person but I am still open for other opinions or people that have had people like this aswell and if you think to know who I am talking about please don't say any names and respect that I want them to be kept anonymous

 

edit: the no signal time was prior to the griefing

Edited by shakys
Moderation Edit.

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Maybe you were annoying her?

 

Remember this is a game, people play these to relax and not worry about the RL and scary stuff outside and when you start asking about RL or hey can we meet up stuff. People might get a bit scared by that, well not everyone but still, sometimes its not even worth the time to ask. Not sure if you were doing this or whatever happened, it's not my business. I wouldn't get so worked up about it though, trust me I've been in your shoes more than once, some people are shy.

 

As for the road, if you grief it and the GM gives you a ultimatum it's probably best to follow through and repair it exactly to the letter. Not worth getting banned, really.

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The bricks would have nothing to do with anyone complaining, if you destroy a highway and are directed to repair it then that includes paving too - an unpaved road is not a road and as such is not repaired.

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well I see that however this thread has nothing to do with the griefing but more with the reason why. There is more to it. I know I'm in the wrong with the griefing part I am repairing it. I was asking for opinions and people in likewise situations and how I should react. Thats obviously not griefing. 

I want to get this griefing crap behind me I fixed it And at this same time I'm fixing the bricks. I feel upset I have known this person for 3 years, we talked about personal stuff and where on ts daily. I considered the person a friend. All of a sudden they stop all contact. I must have done something terrible wrong to them, I don't know what and they wont tell me. How would you react?

Edited by shamflam

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If it were me i wouldnt be publically making the problem larger and probably upsetting the friend further (even without names there will always be more people than you realise who can put two and two together, its a bit embarrassing really and potentially creates awkward conversations for them to have with people when all they want to do is leave it alone). I would try to reach out to them and if they refuse to respond then all you can do is respect that as thier choice to make. It sucks but thats life and we dont always get the answers we are looking for, if they were a friend worth keeping then they would probably be trying to work things out, if they arent then it suggests they dont think you are worth trying. Fairweather friends come and go, friends with limited and specific shared interests/circumstances come and go, real friends try to work out differences and last for life.

 

Maybe she needs a break to clear the head and will talk when she cools off but you can not force someone to talk especially not by being destructive.

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I do respect the fact that She doesnt want to talk to me anymore and I will leave her alone. However I simply can not accept someone breaking of all contact with no reason given and who doesn't wanne say anything to me in what may have caused it. After 3 years of everything to be ok? This post seems like the only way to reach the person cause I know they'll be reading this. The post and griefing might be a bit of a ###### move but if that is the only way to voice my concerns so be it. What they have done to me certainly is even more of a ###### move. 

So I totaly agree with what you are saying Jack but still I stand by my actions and by my standpoint. I think I lot of people would react the same way I did.

I have always been fair t these people I always tried to smooth things out between people when there was a fight. I was hoping they would respect me in the same way. I still want to voice myself even if that hurts their reputation. I have been digging around and been contacted saying I'm not the first one nor will I be the last one. So at least that makes me feel a bit better that they ahve done this ###### before to other people and that it's not just an attack on me. They have been telling me the stories about these people and I believed them only now to hear the other side of things.

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The truth? She does NOT have to answer you. People have a variety of reasons as to why they go silent. it's their right. Those who know me well in game (as well as you can in a game) know I've had some stuff going on in my life. I pretty much ignored everyone, except maybe one or two, for over a week. If you were a true friend you'd give her the space. I *suspect* she was silent for personal reasons, and you kept pushing (also known as stalking fwiw) so you got blocked.

 

Grow up. Let it go. If you get resolution great, if not, that's what the other person needs, and you need to be adult enough to respect it.

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2 hours ago, ChampagneDragon said:

The truth? She does NOT have to answer you. People have a variety of reasons as to why they go silent. it's their right. Those who know me well in game (as well as you can in a game) know I've had some stuff going on in my life. I pretty much ignored everyone, except maybe one or two, for over a week. If you were a true friend you'd give her the space. I *suspect* she was silent for personal reasons, and you kept pushing (also known as stalking fwiw) so you got blocked.

 

Grow up. Let it go. If you get resolution great, if not, that's what the other person needs, and you need to be adult enough to respect it.

Stalking? I did not stalk her lol, I have send 2 or 3 messages over the course of 2 weeks. And this happened after that period of time we talked after that,  at this time she came online daily and I gave her the time to answer to my messages. I respect if someone wanne take a time out She has done that before and I always have respected that. It's not a reason to ban someone from TS. And yes I think she does have to answer to me if you decide to drop all contact with someone you have known for a while.

Knowing that this kinda ###### happened before with said person. Is already reason enough for me to let it go. I think it's rly imature to block someone totaly off so they have to resort to these kinds of posts to find out what's wrong. So don't acuse me of not being an adult. And I am able to let this go no problem I just said I had to get this of my chest.

I might not have the best social skills but I know when someone stabs me in the back nad I wont allow that to happen twice to myself. If she want to break off all contact and ingore me completely I will accept these wishes as they are now mine aswell. 

I heared enough to know I made a bad choise to think some people where friends of me.

 

fyi: I only send a message AFTER I got banned from their TS so saying I got banned because I was sending messages makes no sense :P

Edited by shamflam

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She's probably done an '/ignore' on you so I'd not really put much energy into waiting for a response.  Note that I don't know her and don't know if she did /ignore you, just that it's a step players complaining another others are advised to do in Wurm Online.

 

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You don't want to hear reason, you want to hear someone say you were right and the other person is wrong.

 

Sorry, No. 

 

On 8/13/2017 at 1:29 PM, shamflam said:

So I had to take matters in my own hands, the plan was to go over there and plant a sign it would take forever for ehr to destroy it so she would ahve to talk to me to remove it. But things escalated I was frustrated and I overdid it I dug 2 holes and littered the place with garbage.

 

You crossed a line. I suspect this very behavior is waht had this person running.

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5 hours ago, ChampagneDragon said:

You don't want to hear reason, you want to hear someone say you were right and the other person is wrong.

 

Sorry, No. 

 

 

You crossed a line. I suspect this very behavior is waht had this person running.

 

No I don't I specificly said it was wrong from me to do these things. But that I did them because I wasnt been given a reason for my silence and because i was frustrated. I don't want anyone to say I did the right thing cause I didn't. I want people to agree with me it's not the right thing to keep a person in the dark for no reasons given.
So I don't know where you get these kinda standpoints. I'm always the first to admit i'm wrong

I tought there might have been a misunderstanding about what exactly I did wrong. Maybe the person made a mistake and tought I did something that I didn't do (Happened multiple times with said person).
The reason of this post is not to say it was a good thing I did cause it wasn't. The reason I made this post was to maybe clarifgy what happened, ask other how they handled similar situations, and ask for advice on how stuff like this won't happen again in the future.
I don't have the best social skills but i'm not stupîd I know what is going on here. 

This is a quote from someone else I talked to. "Just leave her be man we are just passing by actors in her drama movie". This is enough for me to know I made a mistake to thrust certain people.

I realy don't like 2 faced people. And that she ahs had the same issue with multiple players. 
And that's all

I realy want to hear the reason although now I care less but I still want to know. I've said multiple times I wanne know why :P that means I realy want to know why :P

Its nice to hear you are right and other person is wrong it's safe to say we are both in the wrong here. And I have no problem adimitting that.

 

 

 

 

Edited by shamflam

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You don't like being called a stalker, based on your response earlier in the thread, but stalking is exactly what you were doing. Your stalking was so extensive that it even involved an instance where you deliberately caused a situation which she would have to contact you in order to resolve. In your own words:

 

On 2017-08-13 at 7:29 PM, shamflam said:

the plan was to go over there and plant a sign it would take forever for ehr to destroy it so she would ahve to talk to me to remove it. But things escalated I was frustrated and I overdid it I dug 2 holes and littered the place with garbage. 

 

It doesn't look at all like you made this post to try to clarify what you did, if looks like you're trying to manipulate her into answering your messages by making her feel like she owes you an explanation. You can't just go and plant signs in people's homes whenever they anger you so stop trying to excuse your behaviour or make it seem less harmful than it was - Forcing people to have to talk to you IS part of the stalker profile, it's not just about messaging/calling excessively or following someone.

 

Stalking is the whole package of forcing a person that has no interest in communicating with you to acknowledge you and forcing them to interact with you. Your attempt to make her interact with you even caused you to ask a GM to contact her on your behalf which, if I'm being perfectly honest and blunt, is quite sickening. Trying to use her behaviour in order to excuse your own, even though hers in no way led up to what you did but was rather a side-effect of your inability to deal with your emotions, is a classic textbook stalker move.

 

On 2017-08-14 at 7:28 PM, shamflam said:

 I think it's rly imature to block someone totaly off so they have to resort to these kinds of posts to find out what's wrong. So don't acuse me of not being an adult.

 

But outright griefing and stalking is the mature way to handle conflict, you mean? What'll your next step be if this thread isn't manipulative enough and doesn't make her feel bad enough to actually type out a reply for you? Will you find out where she lives and plant cacti in her garden and run your dog back and forth until it takes a dump in her driveway? Is it worth making her feel unsafe while she's just trying to enjoy some online gaming just because your ego was bruised when she wouldn't respond to you?

 

I've no interest in your drama and even if she stopped talking to you because she's secretly a vampire hedgehog farming fireflies by night and eating uncooked chicken nuggets by day it's still not anything that concerns the rest of the Wurm community. Since you are however washing your dirty linen in public (i.e. discussing private matters in public) I do want to underline the importance of the fact that you stalked her and acted way out of line, since you did ask for help in avoiding scenarios like this in the future. Adults solve their problems with words and if the other person does not want to talk you then you have to respect that (there are of course exceptions but not a single one of them involves planting signs, dumping trash and outing her behaviour publicly).

Edited by Aeris

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If sending 3 messages in 2 weeks to someone you know and been talking to daily on ts is stalking than yes you are right. 

obviously this post did help because I did get some people to respond who went through the same ###### with her. You can call me names all you want I already left this behind me. I'm on deli working on my deed with others. But your definition of a stalker is kinda vague so maybe you are gonne say that that  is someone what a stalker does aswell. also I guess a stalker deletes stalked person from his friendlist. Also she never mentioned anything to me of me sending to many messages or stalkign her. I said the planting of the sign was out of frustration and to get her attention and was wrong of me to do so but still it was a one time thing. Maybe look further then your nose and think a little before acusing someone of being a stalker.
I dont want any more drame then you do. Like I said before I left this behind me but yeh being stabbed in the back is not fun.

If you think this thread is about drama you are wrong. I got my answers so I don't have anythign against this thread being closed.

 

Edited by shamflam

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It seems you did not understand what I wrote, and I know that English isn't your first language so I understand if you had trouble understanding the full content of my message. I can assure you that I was not calling you names, other than stalker of course since that is what you were when planting signs and throwing garbage in her home. I do not care about how many people went through the same "censored words" with her, it still does not excuse your behaviour or make it any less wrong.

 

You did ask what to do in order to avoid a similar situation in the future so I have no understanding for the fact that you're lashing out at me for answering your question: When I wrote that adults use their words that is not what I meant. If the solution to your problem isn't what you wished for it to be you can't insult people, talk trash about them with others or plant signs until it becomes the right solution.

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1 hour ago, Aeris said:

It seems you did not understand what I wrote, and I know that English isn't your first language so I understand if you had trouble understanding the full content of my message. I can assure you that I was not calling you names, other than stalker of course since that is what you were when planting signs and throwing garbage in her home. I do not care about how many people went through the same "censored words" with her, it still does not excuse your behaviour or make it any less wrong.

 

You did ask what to do in order to avoid a similar situation in the future so I have no understanding for the fact that you're lashing out at me for answering your question: When I wrote that adults use their words that is not what I meant. If the solution to your problem isn't what you wished for it to be you can't insult people, talk trash about them with others or plant signs until it becomes the right solution.

Just to make it clear I condamn my own actions I have said that before it was not a nice thing to do and I fixed it. I was a bit upset about the bricks that I didn't have them on me at that time and plenty of people have some lying around somewhere. But still I fixed it. When someone calls me a stalker I find that calling me names.. I said before that she never told me or indicated to me I was stalkign her, I wrote her 3 messages in the course of 2 weeks, when I was digging the holes and making the meteor sign it was more of a troll to me and I never tought about it to be stalking. 

and talk trash about them with others well if there is a conflict between 2 people or between 1 and 2 others well that might be just what humans do.

I'm pretty sure you are talking trash about me now with others but it's your right freedom of speech so is me talking trash about someone who used me as trash.

I just wanne enjoy the game and play with other people that do respect me for who I am so this will be my last post on the matter. I had to get this of my chest to explain why I did this and to get feedback from others who went to a similar thing. I got my feedack and heared some other sides of her stories they where so contradicting that obviously 1 side must be lying now that this has happened to me I guess maybe she might not always be telling the truth about people but hey that is my side of the story it's up to you to choose what you want to believe or not. I have been nothing but honest in these posts.    

Edited by shamflam

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I say you forget about her. I know you miss your wurm mommy but she clearly decided to abandon you. You are a wurm orphan now, just like me. I went through similar drama with that person, which i also considered a close friend. She went ballistic on me for the most stupid reason, if you can even call that a reason, because i got my own deed and moved out. At least she didn't try to ruin your reputation as she did me.

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I was bored grinding and roaming the 7 seas of forums, and I saw some weird stuff tonight, but wtf is this lol. Y'all are crazyyyy

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