Sign in to follow this  
Mordraug

Doctrines of Wurm

Recommended Posts

OK folks, I chucked this into wood scraps since it ultimately isn't RELEVANT so let's lay down a ground rule or two to just keep this sarcastically silly.

 

- YES, THIS IS A TROLL POST.

-  Feel free to add your own doctrines or reply with your modifications of choice.

-  Yes, I should have called it the "Fifty Doctrines" or such, 12 sounded cool at the time.

-  Let's not make direct reference to other players, PLENTY of threads all over for that.

-  Same goes for PvP vs PvE.  Yes, I know, I'm constantly involved in those BUT... the Doctrines are supposed to be Wurmwide.  (Yes, I was tempted.  If I could hold back, so can you)

-  Try to snip down your quotes to avoid excessive scrolling.

- SMILE

 

 

 

 

Twelve Thirteen Doctrines of Wurm

I.    THOU SHALT NOT QUESTION THE WOGIC.
II.    Wurm is not a game, it is a way of life.
III.   Theft is an important part of the game, if mechanics are bypassed to rob you on Freedom, you should stop whining and go to PvP.
IV.  Rolf owns Wurm and knows what's best for the game.  If you dislike a change, leave.
V.   Rolf is killing Wurm by trying to make the game more appealing to worthless new people.
VI.    New players should get a brittle blunt stick and spawn areas should be surrounded by trolls.
VII.   Wurm constantly welcomes new players as long as they represent a profit for a few key old players.
VIII.  Lowly casuals who tend to their jobs and families are lazy for not playing Wurm at least 8 hours a day and should be penalized accordingly.
IX. Wurm needs more revenue, new features should be developed to attract people.
X.   You own nothing in-game.
XI.    Wurm staff has the obligation of ensuring that people can profit in real life from Wurm.
XII.   All mechanics in Wurm should be kept secret and only discovered through hours of gameplay.
XIII.  All QoL should be nerfed to keep the lazy casuals away, and be clearly and numerically explained by the devs.

 

Other Doctrines for the Faithful Wurmian: (Adapted from replies)

 

XIV:  If some people want a QoL improvement and I don't, they shouldn't be allowed to interfere with my gameplay. 

XV:  If something interferes with people's gameplay but not mine, they should not get a client-side option to fix it.

XVI:   A Faithful Wurmian cherishes Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

XVII:  No-one should ever be able to play a solo priest on PvE.

XVIII: Unicorns and hell horses should adhere to realism.

XIX: No oversized animal shall be ridden.

XX:   Getting better at a craft will make you worse at it.

XXI:    A vertical rock surface is the perfect habitat for all creatures.

XXII:   If it can go wrong, it will go wrong.

XXIII:  If it can't go wrong, it will go wrong.

 

 

Edited by Mordraug
People kept questioning the wogic ffs...
  • Like 11

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"V.    New players should get a brittle blunt stick and spawn areas should be surrounded by trolls."

 

This ^

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

XIII:  If some people want a QoL improvement and I don't, they shouldn't be allowed to interfere with my gameplay. 

XIV:  If something interferes with people's gameplay but not mine, they should not get a client-side option to fix it.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

a couple of your doctrines cancel out each other.. just saying..

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Heh hadn't seen your reply 'til now, Psalamon.

 

Yes they do, which goes to show the strange wogic of your average Doctriner.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

XV All unicorns will be white only since any other colour is not realistic and we should always adhere to strict rules of realism in this game.

XVI  Some champion animals will be small and can be ridden while other champion animals will be big and can't be ridden.  It does not matter that some can be hitched and others not, or that two bear species can be either big or small sized depending on some random, obscure reason. Wurm is a game and does not have to adhere to realism.

XVII Any character with animal husbandry over 60 will progressively get less and less five speed horses the higher his/her skill goes. This is to encourage horse trading as higher skilled characters will have to purchase clean five speed horses from lower skilled characters.

Edited by Fairyshine
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Fairyshine you always crack me up.. I just wanted you to know that... @Mordraug well I'll add my signature in English to the doctrines.....

 

XVIII One can leave Wurm but Wurm never leaves you

XVIV When unleashing an animal at the base of a cliff the odds are 99.9999999% that the animalia will excel to greater heights out of reach..

subdoctrine A- there's another 99.999999% chance that this animal is your only way home.. 

subdoctrine B- it's 99.9999999% likely you are weighed down by the proceeds of doctrine II...

subdoctrine C- just so it's Wogical there's 19 hellhounds and trolls that you were outrunning who have now caught up to make mincemeat tarts out of your buttocks...

subdoctrine D- 200% chance Warlander, Budha, Rolf "on speeddial" and the bunch are at the console making this and other realities for fun times since Wurm is too easy...

 

well this ends my involvement..peace out ...

Edited by Psalamon
sPeElLering
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

XX. RNG hates you and its whole existence is to be as obnoxious as possible. Therefore, only ever queue at most as many actions as you need to have done, because whatever the odds are, you'll overshoot your goal if you tempt it. (Fellow surface miners know for sure.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All the perfect Wurmians agree to these :P

 

 

 ac883b80f63742c4274bcec24033e0d3.png

Edited by Fairyshine
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this