You can set individual permissions for each player. Building permissions will override deed permissions, so you can allow other players into your buildings, but deny them management. You can also set it so they don't have destroy building permissions on deed.
So, things to let them have would be meditation abilities, casting of deity spells, tend/sow, mine, harvest, chop, etc.. I'd avoid letting them have 'pickup planted items'. I'd just go through the list and see what you do/do not want players to have, but make sure you don't let them pick up planted items or destroy buildings. I'm not at home right now to get a good screenshot, unfortunately.