Posted April 14, 2013 (edited) The reporters haven't been the same since their attempted journey to Xanadu;Wunion has dismissed them, on the grounds of insanity, with full pension for bravery, ofcWe have been forced to reveal their names;"itch & hiker", they have begun their own printed word entitled"guides to the galaxy"Non of our reporters have any idea what they are on about... although page "42" has some interesting pictures. Edited April 14, 2013 by Neb 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 16, 2013 Ode to CerberEnd of imping day, Decaying away, I'm your source of self-destructionVeins that pump with fear, Wanting Black-Light near, Digging on your deed's construction Taste me you will see, Meals is all you need , Dedicated to……Now I'm Imping you Some Grinding faster, Obey your master,Your Pile burns faster, Obey your master, Master,Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings,Spinning your Strings and stitching your seamsBlinding Fog be, You can't see a thing,Just call my name 'cause I'll hear you scream , Master, CerberJust call my name 'cause I'll hear you scream , Master, CerberNeedlework today , Never too Decay , Light of day becoming dimmer Same monotony, Ritual puppetry, Spin your cotton ever thinnerTaste me you will see, Meals is all you need , Dedicated to……Now I'm Imping you Some Grinding faster, Obey your master,Your Pile burns faster, Obey your master, Master ,Master of puppets, I'm pulling your strings,Spinning your Strings and stitching your seamsBlinding Fog be, You can't see a thing ,Just call my name 'cause I'll hear you scream, Master , CerberJust call my name 'cause I'll hear you scream, Master , Cerber,master, master... Master, master, Where's the Title that I've been after? Master, master , Wiki only lies, Laughter, laughter , All I hear or see is laughter ,Laughter, laughter , Another needle dies,IMP ME! Lava Fiend ain’t all that, Another fail - drats, Skilling up without a reason Never-ending days, Drift off in a daze, Missed another maple seasonI will Sacrifice, I will Botanize, I will butcher you, Now I’ve fingers BlueSome Grinding faster, Obey your master,Your Pile burns faster, Obey your master, Master Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings,Spinning your Strings and stitching your seamsBlinding Fog be, You can't see a thing ,Just call my name 'cause I'll hear you scream, Master , Cerber,Just call my name 'cause I'll hear you scream, Master , Cerber , MwahahahaTo be sung along to this - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_z-hEyVQDRA(with thanks to Blahsonson for the suggestion of a worthy recipient) 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 23, 2013 The following is a paid advertisement for Willow WongaLast year, my husband and I decided to use up our life savings on our first trip in years. It was to be our second honeymoon on a quaint little tropical island, south on Celebration. Everything was going perfectly, good food, nice weather, it was our dream vacation. Then one evening, we decided to take a romantic walk along the beach. We had just gotten out of sight of the Inn, when we were jumped by two huge trolls armed with clubs. Needless to say, they stole my purse and jewelry, and grabbed my husbands backpack. We were devastated, penniless, and not knowing what we would do. Then my hubby remembered what the agent at the Wonga shop said. "If these Wonga are ever lost or stolen, we'll replace them free of charge". Then next morning we entered the local Wonga office on the island, and to our surprise, we got to meet with Willow personally. She listened to our story and without hesitation pulled out a fresh batch of Willow Wonga and re-imbursed us every penny that was stolen. If it wasn't for her, we likely would have died of starvation... or something even worse. Thank you Willow Wonga, for saving us and rescuing our second honeymoon. We'll never travel without Wonga again. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 23, 2013 (edited) The Rolfinator The time was closing in on midnight as Jackel, Seris, and Valrei lined up perfectly with the token in Samling, an occurrence that happens exactly once every hundred Wurm years. If the ancient folklore was correct, all that was needed was to spread some very high quality oakenwood ash in the area, along with a single rare ruby. As I powdered the ground with piles of ash, I thought how unfortunate it was for the last group to found Samling just a little too far to the west for them to successfully complete the resurrection. That miscalculation caused many a death... but their loss had now turned into my gain. I reaching into my pocket and withdrew the glowing red ruby, it glistened brighter than I had ever seen before. My hand trembled uncontrollably as the gem was placed atop a pile of the ash. Almost immediately small puffs of smoke began to spew from the crystal and I stepped back in fear. With every second that passed, more and more smoke billowed and I watched as it climbed up to some darkened clouds in the sky. Then in an instant, a magnificent bolt of lightning struck the ground where the ruby was placed. Temporarily blinded, I anxiously held my position until I could see again. Slowly as my vision returned, I could make out a large figure standing there at the center of Samling. It was him... the legends were correct... it was none other than... the Rolfinator! Edited November 26, 2019 by Gumbo re-up image 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 24, 2013 (edited) Wanted: Plumber in Freedom Market Great pains and discord were created in Freedom Market shortly after breakfast today. A newbie, who shall go nameless, was seen leaving the only public "Potty" or "Loo", in haste. It seems the newb had callously clogged up the pipes to the only toilet in town during his morning constitution, then made a B-line for the nearest highway and was quickly gone. Shortly after that, a large line formed as shoppers and passing travelers began to accumulate to use the facilities. One death has already been attributed to the clog. The poor soul just couldn't hold it together any longer and keeled over dead. People anxiously waited hours for the FM building maintenance crew to arrive to rectify the situation. Unfortunately during that delay not everyone was able keep things together that long and had to do the "Mexican two step" to the nearest forest so they could relieve themselves like a savage. The consensus amongst those waiting seemed to be that the problem could be solved with an FM expansion. Adding a few more public toilets in case a situation like this occurs in the future could make the area more appealing to shoppers, as well as keep the forest around FM clear of those unwanted "landmines". The mayor of FM was not available for comment. Edited November 26, 2019 by Gumbo re up image 7 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 26, 2013 Anyone got a plasma rifle in the 20 Giga Watt range ?I have some land mines to eradicate later And is my Willow Wonga refunded if I drop id down the loo? (as some times its the only paper or cloth to hand)An would she consider insuring my state of the art i-compass, I've already dropped Two of these expensive hi-tech gadgets. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 19, 2013 What Mol-Rehan Really Get Up To It was midday, and a Mol-Rehan player (who shall go unnamed) was spotted crossing the Chaos border to Deliverance. They're usually too busy fighting JK'ers, and I was curious as to why a Mol-Rehan player would decide to visit the quiet west coast communities of Deli. This warranted further investigation. I soon found out that the player was not looking for a peaceful stroll in the expansive Deliverance forests, or a hunting trip across the southern plains. The player was looking for goods, the nature of which I was unaware of. Perhaps weapons for his war? Or a new set of the finest Deliverance armour? I wonder. I decided to tail the unmentioned man, and, in broad daylight, I followed him towards a small cove, in which he moored his vessel and appeared to await the arrival of a seller. A few minutes passed, and a certain player who shall also go unnamed arrived hastily. The player had come with a heavily laden large cart, loaded with crops of some description. Ah, the Mol-Rehan'er was merely getting food for his village, how pleasant of him to make the long, difficult journey here simply to buy some Deliverance wheat. But no. Upon closer inspection, as he stuffed the crops into his sailboat, he was not looking for food, or for oats for his morning porridge. Instead, he was dealing in a major haul of a crop so shocking, that the simple mention of its name is outlawed in certain villages across the cluster. Wemp. Scarcely had I seen this deal being undertaken, and he sailed off again with a gale of wind. Being the responsible Wurmian that I am, I decided that I must investigate further. I managed to get close enough to discover that, not only was he shipping a massive haul of wemp, but he was even so desperate to engage in substance abuse that he even lit up at the helm. [21:53:48] ******** boards on the "Mol Rehan - Kratos" as the captain.[21:55:11] ******** crushes a wemp plants.[21:55:24] ******** smokes a wemp fibres. SHOCKING! Does this careless oaf realise the dangers of sailing intoxicated, or what he is doing to his body? I was then able to track the vessel as it headed back to Chaos. It is pictured below as it enters a small mine on an island in Mol-Rehan territory. I decided it was best not to enter the mine, as it appeared to be inhabited by multiple other dangerous addicts - it does not take a genius to guess what the purpose of all the wemp was, and I did not wish to go near to such misguided Wurmians. Maybe they are miners looking for substances to abuse during long, hard work days? Or is the mine a Mol-Rehan drugs den? For now, we will not know. I quickly returned home and notified nearby villages of the shocking trades that had taken place merely on their doorstep. When asked to comment, the Deliverance Substances Abuse Crackdown Team, lead by Trevize, refused to even consider my evidence, claiming that "all wemp produced on the island is always used for honourable purposes, with it [the wemp] never being ingested by anyone or anything for recreational purposes." I find such a comment surprising - how can a small organisation guarantee public safety so declaratively? On a whole, the fact that wemp is seemingly freely available on the Deliverance server is, I am sure, as much as a shock to you, the reader, as it was to me. Think of the children, and how they could be drawn into dark arts - and think of our Aforementioned Addict, attempting to helm a ship whilst abusing substances before shipping the Deliverance-grown products to a drugs den. I sincerely hope that Wurmians across all lands will join me in universal disgust at the sale and abuse of such substances on Deliverance and the wider Freedom Isles. I expect the King to make an immediate and full inquiry into why such practices seem commonplace. 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 20, 2013 Deliverance bluegrass wemp is the best. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 21, 2013 Doc lies! I deny everything. Please contact my lawyers. You can find them in a dark dungeon in Chaos. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) Mixed Bag of GrassDateline: CelebrationToday, officials from Celebration held a news conference to report on an increasingly bad situation that's cropped up in some communities. The problem is so great that it could potentially wipe out entire villages if not addressed immediately. It all came to light several weeks ago after a Templar was called on to check out a remote section of land in the North East. A concerned citizen reported she saw several fires burning off in the distance from her home. Fearing that a wildfire may have broken out, the anonymous woman contacted authourities. This is where the story gets interesting. The Templar scouted around and saw the fires, he then approached that area. What he found were several people sitting by a campfire, singing away and seemingly enjoying themselves. When their song ended, the Templar casually sat down by the fire and joined them. These were obviously not your typical Wemp users, these people were Mixed Grass burners.Mixed Grass is the new "IN" thing to do for the younger generation. With it's aggressive hypnotic effect, no one is immune. It's easy to grow and harvest, and is extremely abundant. Toss a few piles of the designer grass on any fire, and you're well on your way to euphoria within a minute. What makes Mixed Grass so dangerous? It cannot be destroyed by fire. It's estimated that a single dose could last for months upon months until it decays away naturally. Once the fire burns itself out, all you have do is to sift through the ashes and collect it for the next time. There are rumours that Mixed Grass can cause memory loss. That may account for the growing number of piles of the stuff left behind all over the place. If you use or know someone that uses, please be sure to keep a large supply of good munchies on hand to enhance the experience. Edited May 30, 2013 by Gumbo 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 30, 2013 I like mixed grass mixed with mushrooms.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 1, 2013 I am a conservative Exodus citizen and i am growing more and more worried of the state of freedom cluster! I think there should be a wemp licence only given to sertified rope makers!But i think most of the addicts are those pesky non-religions folk! They don't even follow one, of the three gods! However i blame the government! Or more like lack of it! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 4, 2013 Lol @ the wemp protest! Nothing but good reads, keep up the awesome work and I look forward to reading more! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 18, 2013 (edited) The Dragon Lady It is with a great sadness that this story is told. It takes place on an Independence island know as Magincia, and is the stuff horror stories are made of. It's about a tyrannical woman known affectionately as "The Dragon lady". She has many aliases, Rosedragon, Thistledragon, Tulipdragon, and Marigolddragon, to name a few. Rumour has it she's got more than a dozen other names similar to the ones mentioned. Last week, by a stroke of luck, some prospectors were on the island looking for a suitable spot to open up a mine. They were taking rock samples to test when they came across an area that sounded quite hollow. Baffled, they decided to open up a mine shaft to investigate this anomaly. Once the entrance was created, to their surprise dozens of people dressed only in tattered rags began to emerge from the new mine. After some questioning, each one had the same story. They were Shanghaied in a tavern by a beautiful woman and brought here to work against their will. Day in and day out they were forced to work as slaves in the Dragon ladies diamond mine. They had barely anything to live off of, only puddles of water from the cave floors and a crappy meal most folks wouldn't feed to their pet dog. If anyone ever spoke up, they were hauled away and fed to the Dragon ladies pet, a champ crocodile. In total 34 people have been rescued. The Dragon lady however, seems to have magically disappeared. There is now a large reward being offered to anyone with information leading to the capture of this person. Edited November 26, 2019 by Gumbo re up image 6 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 18, 2013 Liez!!! I don't enslave them :3 . I fed them well then throw them to the crocodiles pen.. to do staring contest. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 19, 2013 (edited) Epidemic Looming? There was some bad news for the Kyklops today during a visit to the doctor. After a recent vacation down to Celebration last month, the menacing hulk seems to have brought back a few unwanted guests. The picture below was captured by a paparazzi who happened to notice the beast sneaking in the back door of the free clinic early this morning. He's obviously suffering from a bout of malnutrition as well, most likely brought on by the little nippers. While on his trip, the Kyklops was spotted multiple times dining with a certain mega celebrity. The Wunion shall not mention her name here... we will not embarrass the lass. We will however give some hints. The "lady" in question has been in trouble many times with authourties in the past. She's also spent quite a few nights in the Natural Substance Abuse Clinic on Pristine lately. If you or someone you know has that certain "itch", then it may be time for you to get to a clinic pronto, before these things spread. Edited November 26, 2019 by Gumbo re up image 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 21, 2013 (edited) Looks like the bear trap worked! Edited June 21, 2013 by Broken Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
